i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
