Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
