You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
