I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
