Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
