I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I can text with my tongue
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
