Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
