break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
