i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The air was thick with penises
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i believe in u and ur pee
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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