Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
