just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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