I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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