Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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