Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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