I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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