booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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