oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
