In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize