I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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