There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
