I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
