imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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