wanna go halves on a baby?
Non-Jews are for practice
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
