apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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