I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
