dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize