Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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