I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I see more hoeing in ur future
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