why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
