My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
