don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The power of my boobs compel you
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize