I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize