hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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