I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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