the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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