Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
