Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
it wasn't lemon gatorade
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
