I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
God, I missed his penis.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
