So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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