Buhtt sex?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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