Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
