I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize