ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
