Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
