I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
