then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
