Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize