He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
