? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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