I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
