I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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