i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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