I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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