I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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