Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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