so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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