so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
