Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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