Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
