1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize