she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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