oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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