trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
